Srishti Sangwan

We’ve all heard the advice: “You should forgive and move on.” It sounds noble, even healing. But let’s be honest — how often does that forgiveness feel like a forced favor, especially when the person who hurt you hasn’t even owned up to what they did?

Forgiveness is beautiful, yes. But in today’s world, people have started using it as a shortcut to avoid responsibility. They want peace without apology, closure without change, and understanding without truth. That’s not healing — that’s manipulation. And it needs to be called out.

“I Said Sorry… What More Do You Want?”

We’ve all heard this line. Sometimes from a friend, sometimes a partner, sometimes even a public figure caught in controversy. The apology is quick, casual, and often defensive. It’s not about you or your pain — it’s about them wanting to move on without feeling bad.

But here’s the thing:

🔸 Saying “sorry” is not the same as taking accountability.

🔸 True accountability means:

— Admitting what you did wrong

— Understanding how it affected the other person

— Trying to make it right

— Changing your behavior

Without these steps, forgiveness becomes a burden on the person who was hurt.

Why It Hurts So Much

When someone hurts you and expects instant forgiveness — without showing real regret — it can feel like they’re rewriting the story. As if you’re overreacting for still feeling upset.

🔹 This is emotional gaslighting.

Psychologists warn that forgiving someone too soon, or under pressure, can cause emotional confusion and even trauma. You’re basically being told to put someone else’s comfort above your own healing.

🧠 According to Psychology Today, forgiveness is healthiest when it’s a choice — not an expectation. And it works best when the person who caused the hurt takes responsibility first.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/forgiveness

What About “Letting Go for Yourself”?

Yes, there’s truth to this idea. Holding onto anger forever can eat you up inside. But letting go doesn’t always mean forgiving the other person — especially if they haven’t changed.

Sometimes, the best way to heal is to accept what happened, protect yourself from more harm, and move forward without reconciling. That’s not bitterness — that’s wisdom.

🧠 A great article on Resilience Psychotherapy says:

“You can heal and grow without forgiving people who still pretend they did nothing wrong.”

https://www.resiliencepsychotherapy.com/blog/reflections-accountability-forgiveness

This Happens Everywhere — Not Just in Friendships

This isn’t just about personal relationships. It’s everywhere:

Public figures give half-hearted apologies and expect applause for being “brave.” Parents demand forgiveness from children without ever reflecting on their own mistakes. Institutions and governments want people to “move on” from injustices without taking real steps to repair the damage.

As The Horizons Project rightly says:

“There can be no healing without accountability.”

https://horizonsproject.us/forgiveness-accountability-and-societal-healing-url-twitt/

What We Deserve Instead

We deserve honesty.

We deserve apologies that come with reflection and change.

We deserve the right to take our time to forgive — or not forgive at all.

Forgiveness is not a free pass. It’s a gift — and gifts are never owed.

💭 Final Thoughts

So the next time someone tells you to “just forgive and move on,” ask yourself:

👉 Have they really earned that forgiveness?

👉 Or are they just afraid to look in the mirror?

You don’t owe anyone peace at the cost of your own pain.

Forgiveness is powerful — but only when it honors the truth.

Thankyou & Happy Reading!